Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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