Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
