She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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