I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
