Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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