God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We are all done wearing pants today
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
