Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
