come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
