I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
