I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
