walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
