Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
