you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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