You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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