Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
