The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Can you bring me the toilet please
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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