I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
