if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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