I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
