I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
