I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
