Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
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We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
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I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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