i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
