the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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