I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
