Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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