All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
