Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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