i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Randomize
