I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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