Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
