If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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