Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
