You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
