True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
