I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
