Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
