Welp...herpes.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
