OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
