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• (801): View more from Utah

  hey, what are you doing tonight?

  (646): View more from New York

  sleeping, g'night!

  (801): View more from Utah

  but i wanted to see you :(

  (646): View more from New York

  sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!

  (646): View more from New York

  stop - you have a right hand - use it!

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• (631): View more from New York

  I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...

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• (560): View more from

  I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  We're using joints as your birthday candles

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.

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• (563): View more from Iowa

  He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.

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• (315): View more from New York

  First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on

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• (646): View more from New York

  I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.

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• (705): View more from Ontario

  They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night

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