Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
