I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I will pee on everything he values.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
