I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
