she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
