You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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