Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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