I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
