6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
