Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
