Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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