If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
The Olympian is in my bed
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
