I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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