quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
