I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
