worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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