I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
