Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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