That's intense
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
