he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Randomize
