For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just had sex on a roof
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
