woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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