covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You made out with two different species that night
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
