OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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