I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
