last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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