While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
